Eternal Youth

The Tarot of Jack Sparrow

“How soon can you set sail?”

“With the tide.”

And with that begins “Pirates of the Caribbean IV” which thankfully entertains from the get go, since I had not seen the other 3.

This time Jack Sparrow is hell bent on finding the fountain of youth. Perhaps he would do well to stop sailing the ocean and venture onto a river instead, namely, the Amazon
and acquire the book
“6 Newly Discovered and Never Before Published Secrets to Eternal Youth and Immortality”
by Eternal Youth Empire,
the price of which is about equal to 2 movie tickets to Johnny Depp’s newest 3D adventure.

His eyeshadow is mesmerizing.
So is his surfing. Well he certainly mimics it atop a horse drawn carriage gone wild. He rides regular as opposed to goofy, FYI.

The film is aptly directed by Rob Marshall.

Penelope Cruz in he drag will be a big hit with at least 10% of the population. A bird mimicking a Sparrow? That’s high art.

Almost as high and mighty as the imposing Blackbeard. The kiddies will be terrified of him. If not him, surely the intimidating Quartermaster. Both well played.

Beautiful mermaids with Twilight overtones. Spoiler alert.They have the best SFX in this film and if I were in college I could write some paper about how their portrayal is a commentary on feminism and gender empowerment. The paper would get a B+ because I would have been stoned when I wrote it.

Unlike this piece, which you may prefer to be stoned to enjoy. My favorite pirate always is.

You know who has the worst job on this film? The location scouts. Poor ba$tard$ had to spend weeks trying to find unspoiled virgin shooting locales in the most beautiful parts of this planet. What a bummer union gig.

And then there’s The Chalice. Ah the chalice. Star of such films as “Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Holy Grail” and “The Da Vinci Code.” So “Pirates” makes it a Chalice Trifecta. Also well played.

At the end of the day, Jack Sparrow is an artist. An escape artist who appears to relish each opportunity to perfect his chosen alluring artform, which is why no one is in a hurry to escape this franchise. We hear a 5th installment is already in the works…the only worthy reason to trade in the Amazon for the wide open sea.
Books for movies, for better or worse -

if executive producer Jerry Bruckheimer has any say in the matter. Kidding. We don’t really know about his literary proclivities.

But for those of you who intend the REAL fountain of youth, stick to the flowing currents of the Amazon and read
“6 Newly Discovered and Never Before Published Secrets to Eternal Youth and Immortality”
by Eternal Youth Empire.

The fountain of youth does exist. It is simply a matter of unlocking keys that reside in all of us.
“Aqua Vida” is never outside of us – and that message resonates even in “Pirates of the Caribbean IV on Stranger Tides.”

“Who’s to say I won’t live forever?” Captain Jack closes the film with this question. Jerry Bruckheimer knows the answer, as do the millions of people who went to see this film which opened as the top grossing movie of the weekend.